And in an hour, 100+ turn into 5.

Ok, I went to work. And an hour or two later I went home. Our manager
had cut back all but 5 people in our department. I'd like to remind
the viewers at home that Cedar Point consists of 364 acres of land. At
7:30 tonight, there was 1 person emptying trash cans and dumpsters
(and there are 2,100 cans in the park, and over 50 dumpsters), 2
people sweeping, 1 male restroom attendant and 1 female restroom
attendant. Sometimes I love the rain.

So I didn't call him.

Ok, I'm a wimp. That and I woke up an hour before work. I have to be
at work no earlier than 5:00p, but no later than 5:15p, so I don't
really have the time. But a wimp I am still.

All-nighters, good movies, and as usual, my constant dilemma.

***NOTE: My Mood is (Aggravated, Confused, Depressed, etc.)***

If ever in my life I have had less direction to where I wanted to go next. I don't think that there has been another time. It's really hard to think of what to do next.

I watched a movie last night (5:00a, Thursday morning) called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." I liked it. I don't know why. But it was a movie that gets one thinking, and as anything with tangible emotional connections (music, art, movies, TV) I began thinking on a more critical level about where I stand.

And here it is. I'm in Sandusky, OH, working a job that I DO NOT plan on working forever, and for that matter I do not plan on working again. I'm considering living at what is right now, the house I call my permanent address, and attending college at Wayne State U. Ironically, WSU cost more per semester than Tech, but with one caveat: I don't pay to live at WSU. So, that's one option.

I'm also trying to find (not really trying, just saying that I am) a school that teaches digital 3D animation, and gives out degrees in the field. But the only 3 that I know of right now (only one of which is not 1200+ miles away) are DigiPen Inst. of Redmond, WA; Full Sail of Winter Beach, FL; and Center for Creative STudies of Detroit, MI (which happens to be the one closest to home). All of which cost WAY TOO MUCH for my pocketbook (which currently totals $127). I don't know jack about Financial Aid, except that I need to fill out a FAFSA every year. The gov't must overlook the fact that I, nor my father have any real big amount of money, and decide that before books, and transportation, I should pay $2,000 a semester to go to Tech. That's not horrible, as long as you have $2,000 freaking dollars every 6 months or so, which, as stated before, I do not.

3D animation is the only thing, at this point, that I am sure that I want to do. But I'm afraid for two reasons: One, I've said that before. It was called Computer Science, and I only passed one class of it (although, I know for a fact that If I went to class, studied, and did the work, I would have passed); Two, I feel that I am slipping back into my depression, and I'm afraid that I will fail all of my classes if I try to go back. Which brings me to my next point.

I am afraid of everything. I take no risks. I fear fear itself. And the biggest irony of it all, is that I am afraid that I will be afraid of everything forever.

I don't know what to do anymore, my mind is out of good ideas. My only remaining good idea is to talk to my dad, and ask him honestly what he thinks that I should do.

Just trying it out for the first time.